Self-Care is Not Selfish
We hear the term self-care all the time these days and I find it wonderful that people are becoming aware of and prioritizing this type of behavior. Sometimes though, the things that people do for self-care may not be as helpful as you’d think and other things I’d categorize as self-care might come as a surprise to you.
What is Self-Care?
Self-care is any behavior that promotes well-being for yourself. It is about actively caring for yourself including mental, emotional, and physical health.
What comes to mind when you hear the term, self-care? Is it a clip from the TV show Parks and Recreation of Donna and Tom having “treat yo self” days? If you haven’t seen the show, it is a day every year when these two characters spend the day treating themselves to shopping sprees, massages, desserts and more. Things they may not allow themselves to indulge in on other days of the year. Or when you hear self-care do you think of having a glass of wine after work or getting your nails done?
Those things are fun and usually quite relaxing but they are not the end all be all of self-care and maybe not even always within the definition of promoting well-being. Much of what we tend to associate with self-care in popular culture are luxuries or a rationale for indulgence.
As a therapist, when I talk about self-care, I really mean what are you doing to care for yourself just like you would when nurturing another person or creature? These are activities that are foundational to maintaining your health in mental, physical and emotional ways.
If you aren’t doing the basics of self-care, you might find yourself feeling more stressed, more prone to fatigue or health issues, and experiencing more symptoms of anxiety or depression.
Here are some examples of things you may not have considered to be “self-care” previously:
Getting enough sleep. Sleep is so important. That probably isn’t headline news for you. But do you take the time to make sure your sleep is a priority? That means getting quality sleep and enough of it. If you aren’t sure how to make improvements, examine your sleep hygiene.
Nourishing your body. I’m no nutritionist so I won’t try to outline a nutrition guide for you here but be mindful of what you are putting into your body. I know for myself, some things that I eat taste great but make me feel terrible and other things make me feel energized. What I’m talking about here is making sure you are eating regularly and prioritizing healthy choices. You can work with a professional if you feel like you need a lot of help in this area.
Moving your body. Whether you are someone who loves the gym or are allergic to exercise, moving your body is important. You don’t have to be a fitness fanatic to get some movement into your day. Going for walks (bonus points if you are actually outside in nature), doing some stretches, or dancing in your kitchen with headphones on all count!
Setting boundaries. Yes, saying no to people and things is a form of self-care! Setting boundaries can be difficult but if you don’t learn to do it, it can build up resentment, which can lead to a whole host of other problems. A boundary might mean declining an invitation to something when you really don’t want to go because you aren’t interested or don’t have the energy. It can also mean pushing back on an unreasonable request of your time at work or assertively shifting a conversation that is not serving you.
Disconnecting from technology. Boundaries can also be applied to technology and social media. Sometimes taking a break from them can rebuild some energy and mental fortitude.
Spending time with friends or loved ones. It can be easy to get caught up in the day to day grind and struggle to make time for being with people that make you feel good. Try to find ways to connect with these people, even if it is in short bursts. A quick text, a call on your way to run an errand, or a short walk together during a lunch break can be highly rewarding.
Engaging in hobbies. Making time for doing things you enjoy, whether it is reading, writing, painting, playing tennis, or baking, is really important for staying connected to yourself.
When you are able to engage in these self-care activities, you will likely find that you are better able to cope with daily stresses, better able to regulate your emotions, and more able to connect with people around you in meaningful ways.
Again, the “fun” self-care activities can still be useful. Just be sure you are finding balance and not ignoring the less exciting parts of the self-care process. If you have a hard time thinking of ways to engage in self-care, or giving yourself permission to do them, I’d love to help.
Summary/TL;DR
Self-care isn’t just about treating yourself to luxuries—it’s about taking meaningful actions that nurture your mental, emotional, and physical health. From getting enough sleep to setting boundaries and nourishing your body, true self-care helps you manage stress and connect with others. Take a few minutes to reflect on how you care for yourself, and if you're struggling to find balance, support can help you prioritize your well-being.
