Social Comparison: Understanding and Overcoming the Joy Thief
In a world saturated with social media and constant connectivity, comparison has become an almost unavoidable part of our daily lives. While comparing ourselves to others is a natural human tendency, it can have significant consequences on our mental health, often robbing us of joy, contentment, and gratitude. Let’s explore why this happens, how social media exacerbates the issue, and what you can do to combat the negative effects of social comparison.
DISCLAIMER: I am a licensed clinical psychologist, and the information provided here is for general informational and educational purposes only. While I aim to share helpful and thoughtful content, reading this blog does not establish or imply a therapist-client relationship between us.
If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, please seek immediate help from a licensed professional or contact emergency services in your area. This blog should not be a substitute for professional mental health care or personalized guidance.
For personalized support or therapy services, please reach out directly to a licensed mental health provider in your area.
Why Social Comparison Feels Unavoidable
Comparison is an ingrained human behavior. It’s how we measure our progress, understand our place in the world, and sometimes even set goals. However, the problem arises when these comparisons are skewed. We often engage in “upward comparisons,” where we see ourselves unfavorably next to someone else’s achievements, lifestyle, or possessions. Rarely do we compare ourselves in ways that boost our self-esteem. Instead, these upward comparisons can lead to negative self-talk, feelings of inadequacy, and even diminished motivation.
The Psychological Toll of Constant Comparison
This tendency is particularly harmful when we lose sight of our own values and needs. Instead of focusing on what truly satisfies us, we chase after ideals that may not align with our authentic selves. Recognizing this pattern is the first step toward reclaiming your sense of joy and purpose.
How Social Media Amplifies the Comparison Trap
Social media is one of the biggest triggers for negative comparisons. Platforms like Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook are filled with carefully curated content—highlight reels that showcase the best moments of someone’s life while omitting the messy, unglamorous parts. It’s easy to forget that these posts are often designed to sell something, whether it’s a lifestyle, a product, or an idea. Advanced technology allows anyone with a smartphone to create and edit content that appears perfect, often leaving viewers with an unrealistic standard to measure themselves against.
As you scroll through your feed, you might find yourself thinking:
“Why isn’t my house as clean as theirs?”
“Why can’t I go on tropical vacations every year?”
“What’s wrong with me that I don’t have a 12-step skincare routine?”
These thoughts can worm their way into your mind, causing unnecessary distress and eroding your self-worth. But it’s crucial to remember: what you see online is not the full story. Behind those flawless posts are hours of work, editing, and often a team of people. Even those who appear carefree and accomplished have their own struggles and imperfections.
Practical Steps to Stop Comparing Yourself
While comparisons are inevitable, there are ways to minimize their negative impact. Here are some practical strategies:
1. Practice Defusion
Defusion is a mental technique from acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) that helps you separate yourself from your thoughts. Instead of believing the thought “I’m not good enough because my life doesn’t look like that,” recognize it as just that—a thought, not a fact. Visualize it as an annoying pop-up ad that you can choose to dismiss or swipe past without engaging.
You can read more about how to help thought distortions in this article.
2. Set Boundaries with Social Media
Taking control of your social media habits can significantly reduce the triggers for negative comparison. Try these tips:
Relocate Your Apps: Move social media apps off your home screen or into folders with names like “Do I Really Need This?” or “Time Wasters.”
Limit Your Time: Use app limit features on your phone to restrict daily usage. If self-discipline is a challenge, ask a trusted friend to set a passcode for these limits.
Take a Break: Uninstall social media apps temporarily to gain clarity and perspective. You can always reinstall them later.
You can find more tips on setting boundaries with your phone in this article.
3. Reconnect with Your Values
Spend time reflecting on what truly brings you joy and fulfillment. Is it really about achieving Instagram-worthy milestones, or are there hobbies, relationships, and experiences that matter more to you? By focusing on activities that align with your core values, you can shift your mindset from “What will people think?” to “What makes me happy?”
For an exercise on identifying your values, read here.
4. Harness Comparison for Good
Not all comparisons have to be detrimental. Sometimes, they can inspire and motivate. If you find yourself admiring someone else’s success, use it as an opportunity to set realistic and flexible goals for yourself. Remember, your version of success might look different, and that’s okay.
Moving Forward: Your Path to Joy and Fulfillment
Social comparison is a natural part of life, but when left unchecked, it can steal your joy and erode your self-worth. Practicing strategies like defusion and boundary setting can help you regain control and find fulfillment on your own terms.
If social comparison has become a persistent source of distress or is interfering with your ability to enjoy life, consider seeking professional support. Individual Relationship Therapy can provide you with the tools to navigate these challenges, build resilience, and reconnect with what truly matters to you.
You don’t have to go through this alone. Reaching out for help is a courageous step toward living a life that’s fulfilling and uniquely yours.
Summary / TL;DR Section
Comparing yourself to others, especially on social media, can chip away at your self-worth and happiness. While comparison is natural, it often distorts reality and makes you feel like you’re falling behind.
You can regain confidence by setting social media boundaries, practicing defusion techniques, and focusing on your own values rather than unrealistic online standards.
If social comparison is making it difficult to enjoy life, therapy can help. Learn how to build self-esteem, manage negative thoughts, and redefine success in a way that feels meaningful to you.
